Friday, March 06, 2009

Bästis come... bästis go...

There's a book on my list - Queen Bees and Wannabes - that I think I need to start. There's just something about girls that they have to find that "best friend" and lock themselves in... and the manipulation and strategy that goes into being at the top of the social structure is truly amazing.

Annika was part of a threesome, as the third, and was miserable. Then she gave up on the threesome and negotiated a "bästis" deal with another girl, but when it came right down to it, this girl was never Annika's first choice of playmate. It was like the proverbial light bulb when we discussed how you actually have to WANT to play with / spend time with your bästis (or best friend).

And then Annika ended up playing more with M, who is also without a "bästis" - and they really hit it off - a "bästis" possibility! Both love to ride, and like being at the stables. It has been a real bonus for me because they go to Annika's riding lesson together, and I no longer have to help with the horse - or even be there. And then they joined at the hip, playing together every day at school, after school, etc.

But then yesterday... the two of them wanted to walk to the stables after school together, and hang out with the horses. This seems to be a generally ok thing to do, so I agreed. But somewhere along the way, K joined in the group, and then... somehow... M and K locked Annika into a horse stall with a horse that was known to be unfriendly - a biter. A reported 20 minutes later (which was probably more like 5) they returned to let her out. She was in tears (understandably), and called me to come and pick her up.

Now, a day later, they're friends again, but I think Annika will be more hesitant about giving away her "bästis" stamp of approval. And we have discussed the fact that it is perhaps better to have many friends, and not fall into an "exclusive" relationship.

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